Your {Grace} is Enough

I have always wanted to improve my photography skills - not like I'm a go all professional on ya - but three years ago we bought a "fancy" point-and-shoot and we've never taken it off automatic. I am trying to convince Benny that we need a DSLR, but he always reminds me that you can buy the fanciest camera out there but if you don't know how to use it, your pictures will still suck. Darn.. I hate it when he's right.

Benny LOVES taking pictures and takes 1,000s every time he goes to Germany. Yet, we never print them because they might be Facebook quality, but not wall hanging quality. When our photographers posted that they were having an online photo workshop for the month of March, I was THRILLED. I signed up in literally 0.5 seconds. Like set Trice on the ground, ran to the computer, signed up. I didn't even realize that it might cost money. Luckily, the price wasn't bad (and I'm finding it totally worth it). Benny thought I had signed him up, not me, so he was kind of disappointed until he realized we could obviously do it together without paying the fee twice.

She is an AWESOME teacher. If you can explain something so even I understand it, you are awesome. Her handouts and advice are very helpful. I would like to document my progress on here in hopes that by the end of March I can see improvement in my photog skills. These photos won't be edited in any way, so this is simply what comes out of my camera. We have weekly assignments or tasks and we are also supposed to take a photo each day and at the end we will have a journal to show our progress. I have emailed several of my photos to her and she gives advice on how to fix them.

I learned very quickly that practicing on Trice just isn't going to happen. He is ~~crazy about~~ OBSESSED with the camera. I swear he can ~~smell~~ hear it coming from a mile away... He always stops what he's doing immediately and comes flying at me. I think he would swallow it whole if I would let him. So trying to change settings, figure out lighting, focus, etc. is challenging and frustrating. And I really can't be mad at my 7 month old for wanting to explore, so I'm sticking mostly to still objects.

I took that first step and turned the camera dial to "Manual." My first photo looked something like this...

I thought I saved the actual first completely black photo, but I didn't .. this is a close example, though!

I kept pressing "review" over and over again trying to figure out what was going on with my camera!

I'm so excited to see what we learn this week... I'm not sure Trice is enjoying the class as much as we are...

Tonight I'm blogging because I have a million thoughts running through my mind, and I think the world would appreciate if I didn't post 14 more Facebook statuses today. So, here it goes. Grab your kleenex folks, it's going to be an emotional ride...

Mostly, I just wanted somewhere to write down that my dad is a kick-ass dad. There's no other dad out there like him; he's just that awesome.

He works his ass off 60+ hours a week (literally, the man never takes a day off), but he puts his family above everything else. There's not anything he wouldn't do for his children. He's been to hell and back these past few years, and even though he's wanted to crumble to pieces he has held it together for us (well, at least in front of us). He's become one of my very best friends. I don't know what I would do without him, and I really sincerely mean that. We're very much alike -- we cry over Hallmark commercials, we don't like to touch sticky stuff, we can convince ourselves that lampshades are sharks if we really put our mind to it, and we both like to tease Benny. I really can tell my dad anything .. sometimes he reminds my friends and me (Ashlee...) that he's not one of the girls and we shouldn't have girl talk around him. But honestly, he's usually got some pretty good advice.

It's the little things that really make him the best -- Today I was supposed to start going to a Moms & Tots group in town. I've been getting a little cabin fever lately and been pretty down about some things - nothing Spring and a little fresh air can't fix. I'm just in a funk. Anyway, I slept through my alarm and didn't get ready in time to go. It was no one's fault but my own. I was bummed all morning, but I put a great big smile on my face and enjoyed my time with Trice. Those bright blue eyes always lift my spirits!

My dad has Wednesdays off and comes to see us in the afternoons. I really look forward to this because I get to chat with him and he plays with Trice for a bit so I can run errands or do whatever I need to do. Today he came over and knew I was bummed about missing MOTS (that's Mom's of Tots) and needed to get out of the house. He needed to get his hair cut at Walmart and asked if we would come with. I agreed, but said we needed to go right away so I could buy a few groceries since I hadn't had lunch and hadn't been to the grocery store in days. He first gave me a death glare for even mentioning buying groceries at Walmart and then suggested just eating Subway while we were there. I knew that we were over our "eating out" budget for the month so I said I'd just pick up something to cook at home. Of course, good old daddy said he'd treat me to lunch. Don't mean to brag here, but 24 (almost 25..ah) years and I've still got him wrapped around my finger.

We had lunch and then my dad just stared at me and said, "Well, can I get him out?" Trice doesn't ever get out of his car seat in Walmart, so dad was pretty excited to carry him around. After the greeter told us two jokes -- "What do you call a rabbit who has fleas?" Drum roll pleeeassee.. Bugs Bunny. I know you're all dying of laughter... He headed straight for the toy aisle and held 3 toys in front of Trice to see which one he would pick. I made sure Trice ultimately picked the cheapest one. It was supposed to be a toy for G-pa's house, but when we got in the car my dad said, "I can't take his new toy away from him. He can just keep it at your house." Oh brother! We came back and they played on the floor while I finished a few things in the kitchen. Then dad watched Trice while I ran to Hy-Vee to get groceries (and a bottle of wine ... it's been 1.5 years since I've had an adult beverage -- so now that Trice is sleeping through the night, I'm going to enjoy a glass of wine this weekend..and go to bed early, I hope!) My dad also informed me that I had bought the wrong kind of brown sugar to make cookies with. How he knows these things is beyond me -- the man can't even do his own taxes. Turns out, after asking my mother-in-law, my brown sugar was just fine. :)

Not a day goes by I don't miss my mom. I might seem as if I handle it quite well, but that's just because I've sucked it up and tried to make the most out of a really crappy deal. If you knew her, you'd understand why my heart feels so sad. I always dreamt of my grown-up days with my mom -- going on walks with her, planting flowers, cooking family meals, her taking care of my babies, being here to help when I was going through hard times, calling her up every time Trice got a bump or I didn't know how to fix something.. just being my friend. I will never let go of all my wonderful memories with my mom but those are things I'll never get to do with her, so if you do get to do those things with your mom -- please take a moment to really appreciate them, just like I thank God for all the memories I get to make with my dad.

So while I may not have a mom to share these experiences with, days like this constantly remind me that for every negative there is a positive. If it weren't for the situation, my dad may have never moved here .. he might not have been able to come over every day .. help with Trice .. hang out with me .. talk sports with Benny so I don't have to. I'm so thankful he is in our lives. I cherish every day we spend with him, and I can't wait for Trice to grow up around him. I dread the day when I have to explain all of this to Trice ... so many questions I can't even answer myself and so much anger in my heart, but when I realize what an opportunity it will be to tell Trice that his grandpa is one hell of a man, father, brother, father-in-law, and grandpa -- it will all make perfect sense.

This wasn't meant to be a sappy, feel-sorry-for-me-post (please don't feel sorry for me .. I don't feel sorry for myself - I have wonderful people in my life and I'm doing just fine). I mostly just wanted you all to know how kick ass my dad is because I think the world deserves to know.

After I wrote this post, I opened up my devotional book to read today's devotion. I seriously chuckle every night or morning when I read it because it is exactly what I need to hear that day ... this was an excerpt from today's: "Make friends with the problems in your life. Though many things feel random and wrong, remember that I am sovereign over everything. I can fit everything into a pattern for good,but only to the extent that you trust Me. Every problem can teach you something, transforming you little by little into the masterpiece I created you to be. The very same problem can become a stumbling block over which you fall, if you react with disrupt and defiance. The choice is up to you, and you will have to choose many times each day whether to trust Me or defy Me. The best way to befriend your problems is to thank Me for them." Romans 8:28; 1 Corinthians 1:23-24

I'm tired and going to bed, but here are a few pictures from our awesome day...