Eliana {8} Months

Date: December 13, 2015

Weight: 11 lbs to 12 lbs 5oz to 12lbs 8oz
Length: No clue

Clothing Size: Still some 3-6, some 6, and some 6-9. I'm making her wear 6 and 6-9 because I don't have any 3-6 month warm weather clothes since I didn't predict she'd be THIS tiny. So she is mostly swimming in them! (Same as at 7 months!)

Sleeping Patterns: Takes one really good nap every day and then a couple shorter naps. Goes to bed by 6:30 every night and usually wakes up once. Sleeps in until about 7:30 if she wakes up once in the night.. otherwise she's up a little earlier. We love that she loves sleep (something we aren't used to!)

Eating Patterns: Nurses about every 2 hours. She usually has a banana or egg yolks for breakfast - probably the most adorable thing watching her work so hard to bring the banana to her mouth and suck on it until it's gone. For lunch I just drop a couple pieces of whatever we are eating on her tray to keep her entertained - we eat peas A LOT for lunch because Trice and I love them, so she's pretty good at downing peas.  For supper, she has whatever we're eating or avacado and egg yolk or sweet potatoes or whatever else I find to give her. She had homemade applesauce recently and loved it (of course!)

Likes: Basically everything -- she thinks it's hilarious when people wear hats, still loves her monkey and blankie, addicted to her binkie (uh oh), loves watching Trice and getting his toys

Dislikes: Poopy diapers (I mean, who wouldn't?), having things taken away from her, waiting for food once she's in her high chair, 

Milestones: Always looks when you say her name, reaches up for us to get out of the crib or off the floor or out of her high chair, starting to pull up on things, signs "more", blows bubbles (aka spits all over us!), starting to play the "drop the toy" game, waves "hi", really "talking" more -- babababa, dadadada, can pick up food but hasn't quite mastered letting go of it, gives kisses more, 

Exciting Events: Moved to her own room, Papa got to babysit her, Spent her first day away from mommy (like 13 hours when we hadn't been apart for more than 2 ever .. not really "exciting" but worth documenting, I guess)

Trice's Thoughts:
"Eliana, stop saying, 'Babababa.' You're a human, not a sheep."

He gets really frustrated with her for things like her not being able to do the Spiderman web shooting hand or not answering his questions. He always wants to hold her like a newborn baby and she is not about that. He's also really starting to play with her -- always bringing her toys, checking on her, making tunnels for her to crawl through. He likes to feed her if it's something she needs a spoon for. He also likes to be the first to tell her good morning and always asks if he can climb in her crib to talk to her after nap (I let him because it's so sweet!)

He still does NOT want to share papa with her and even tells everyone that papa is NOT Eliana's papa.

{SnOw} Day!

So.. it's almost Thanksgiving and I'm STILL in denial that summer is over. Fortunately we've been blessed with gorgeous weather so really we should have been expecting 8 inches for the first snowfall of the year. Right? We kind of go big or go home around here. I could complain but no one likes a complainer and to be honest - I think I MIGHT have been even more excited about our first official snow day than my 3-year-old (who was REALLY excited!) Ask me again in March but until then - I'm embracing these pajama, cooking baking, hot-chocolate-filled days! I really wanted to start a tradition this year of just simply celebrating the first big snowfall of the year... something that I don't have to replicate exactly ever year, that doesn't require any last minute trips to the store in a blizzard because I'm not prepared, and that doesn't require any extra work on my part because .. uh .. I'm lazy? So celebrate we did! Here's our day in picture/short witty caption form. Happy winter, y'all! 

Snow baby!

She LOVED it! She really wanted to be able to play like Trice!

I'm not convinced the neighbors weren't judging me, but I'm okay with it.

My name is Eliana and I love EVERYTHING.

Except when I fall over and snow pelts me in the face. I don't love that.

Having a sister is like having a built-in snow buddy .. or something!

This was our snowman named Petey (well that was his name by the end of the day after Trice forgot what his name was 3 times..)

Of course no snow day is complete without hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies .. okay, I just wanted an excuse to bake cookies. Trice caught me sneaking a 2nd one and gasped and said, "MOM! Cookies are a SOMETIMES food!" Whoops.

We'll just call this day the "day I decided my FAVORITE snow activity is writing names/drawing pictures in the snow with icicles!" That might just be the preschool teacher in me, though!

Eliana {7} Months

Date: November 13, 2015

Weight: 12lbs 8oz (11 lbs at end of month)
Length: ??

Clothing Size: Still some 3-6, some 6, and some 6-9. I'm making her wear 6 and 6-9 because I don't have any 3-6 month warm weather clothes since I didn't predict she'd be THIS tiny. So she is mostly swimming in them!

Sleeping Patterns: Goes right to sleep between 6:30 & 7. I put jammies on her, she gives everyone kisses, nurse her, and put her in bed and she goes right to sleep (I seriously didn't believe anyone when they said this is what their child did.. never ever once happened with Trice .. still love him!) Her first nap of the day usually goes well. Her second nap has been a little messed up since the time change. No matter what she will NOT sleep in someone's arms so it gets a little tricky if we're out and about.

Eating Patterns: Because of Eliana's weight loss, we decided to start her on solids this month (earlier than I prefer to, but I know it's okay!) She's had avocados, sweet potatoes, and peas so far and is doing really well. She just has a little once/day. She still nurses about every 2 hours during the day.

Likes: Lullaby Monkey, ALL OF TRICE'S TOYS, being on her belly, her blanket, peek-a-boo, eating!

Dislikes: Snuggling, Sleeping anywhere other than her bed, When you take something away from her, not being with mommy if mommy is in eye sight.

Milestones: Gives kisses (so precious!), more scooting all around, SUPER attached to mommy (LOVE!) and starting to wonder about strangers!

Exciting Events: Daddy went to Germany, Trip to Corning

Trice's Thoughts:

He really wishes she wouldn't touch his toys, but he always gives her a toy in return for the one he rips out of her hands.

Loves feeding her! Loves giving her kisses!

Eliana {SiX} Months

I didn't realize her headband was on top of her head until we were almost done.. whoops! Makes a cute crown, huh?! ;)


Date: October 13, 2015

Weight: 12lbs 10oz (yes, she lost weight!) - Rocking out below the 5th percentile!

Length: 25.5 inches

Clothing Size: Getting into some 6-9 month clothing. Can still wear 3-6 in some brands (like Old Navy), but definitely 6 months in Carters and 6-9 month pajamas!

Sleeping Patterns: I really can't complain here. She goes to sleep on her own in her makeshift bed (switching rooms VERY soon). Most days she takes 2 big naps and a couple cat naps. She goes to bed between 6:30 and 7, gets up at 3:30 or 4 and eats and goes right back to sleep, and then sleeps until Trice wakes everyone up. Like any baby, she has her rough nights, but I am thankful that she enjoys sleep. She really likes for mommy to put her to bed .. when daddy tries on nights I have Bible study, she doesn't do as well. When I pick her up in the night to feed her she just buries her little head in my shoulder and I cry.. ha!

Eating Patterns: Still about every 2 hours during the day. We won't start solids for awhile (unless this whole weight loss thing becomes an issue), so she's still just nursing away!

Likes: Loves her squeaky blocks, her monkey (best friends), beards, her binky - pulling it out and sticking it back in, being outside (GRASS!), high chair, books (especially ones with baby faces), kisses on her tummy, still loves spending all day on her tummy, grabbing for everything - especially our food

Dislikes: Snuggling, being held when tired, rocking, car rides

Milestones: Army crawling, starting to get up on all 4s, sits up on own, really interacting with Trice and playing with toys, looks for Trice when you say his name, blows bubbles

Exciting Events: Umm.. I can't currently think of any?

Trice's Thoughts: Mostly just love in this department. He helps with her a lot -- giving her baths, bringing her toys, talking to her, holding her. He still occasionally gets jealous, but I think that will happen forever. Mostly he is loving and needing less reminders not to smash her or rip her arms and legs off. He loves that she sits in the high chair at meals with us!

"You just don't even worry about her. I'll take care of her."

"I do all the work anyway. I hold her, kiss her, give her a bath, bring her toys. That's a lot of things."

Me: "Trice, stop attacking Eliana."
Trice: "But I'm not attacking her .. the dinosaur is!"

God Made {All} of Me

Now that Trice is starting to be more involved in activities that don't involve me (tear!), I decided we needed to start gently talking to him about "safe touches." I'm sad that we live in a world where this is even necessary, but I just refuse to not educate him and empower him so that if he is ever in a yucky situation, he KNOWS he can talk to us about it. I don't trust many people with him, but sadly you just can't really trust a whole lot of people who seem trust-able anymore. The reality is, there are yucky people in this world (and I pray they never come near my children), but if they do -- I want him to know how to stand up for himself.

As always, I'm babbling and adding an unnecessary amount of commentary. I just wanted to share our approach to talking to our children about safe touches. Hopefully it can help start the conversation for you or you can add input into things that have helped you explain this somewhat awkward/sensitive topic with your child.

 We're pretty honest with Trice. We've always used to proper names for body parts. I don't really have any research on it, but someone once told me that predators often use "pet names" for body parts and by teaching your child the real names they won't be lured in by those. I just basically think there's no shame in our body parts and we can call them what they are. I won't lie -- this has put me in a couple super awkward situations -- but if you don't act awkward about it, I guess it doesn't seem as awkward. I'll share with you another day. Just kidding.. I won't. ;) Another thing that my family did when I was a child was to have a "word" that you used if you were in danger. Obviously you might be in a situation sometime where saying "HELP!" is going to cause you more harm so we had a "password" that you could use if you needed mom or dad to come help right away. We won't do this for Trice quite yet because he'd probably just tell everyone what it was and say it all the time leading to a lot of false panic attacks .. but later on it will definitely be something we discuss.

Our church is selling the book God Made ALL of Me by Justin S. Holcomb & Lindsey A. Holcomb. It has been an excellent resource for us. We try to use Christian-based lessons as much as possible so I was excited when our youth pastor brought it up. Nick and I read through it a few times before reading it with Trice so we could change any wording or omit any parts that we didn't feel were appropriate for his level of understanding and just so we could predict some questions he might ask and be armed with answers. Honestly, the first time I read it to him .. he said nothing. I think he asked for a snack actually. But since then it has really opened up lots of conversations about our bodies and our choices. I really like how the book emphasizes that God made ALL parts of our body and ALL parts are good. There is no shame - I feel like we sometimes mislead children into thinking they should be ashamed of those "private parts" when really God made those, too. It also touches on secrets vs surprises. This is something we've really been focusing on even before we got this book. We do NOT have secrets in our house. We've really had to educate loved ones (er..papa) on not telling Trice, "It's our secret. Don't tell mom and dad" because that's the LAST thing we want Trice to think. We want him to know he can ALWAYS tell us ANYTHING and we'll listen and he won't be in trouble for telling us. Obviously this was innocent like he got a drink of lemonade or something, but it's the principle.. it talks about how surprises are okay (those are things like making a Birthday present). 

Anyway, if you're looking for a way to approach this topic with your child, I encourage you to look into this book. It may or may not be the right fit for your child (each child is different and only you know what they will respond best to). Let's just all say a quick prayer that our sweet, innocent children will never ever have to endure such evil acts in their lifetime! If you have any other resources or things that have helped you discuss "safe touches" with your children, I'd love to hear them! 

Isn't she {LoVeLy}?!

There are no words to accurately describe the joy this little girl brings to my life. I literally cry thanking God for her every day. It's funny how God formed her to fit perfectly into our family. For awhile there was all this guilt about feeling bad that I wasn't paying attention to Trice as much ... or that I just couldn't be as good of mother to two kids as I was to one. Slowly that guilt faded as we melted into this new family - this family of 4. Slowly I figured out how to hold a car seat on one arm, a toddler on one hand, and push a cart full of groceries to the car... load them.. get home.. unload the kids.. and unload the groceries.. without losing my mind (verdict is still out on that part!) There are still many things I haven't mastered just yet wearing my mommy-of-two skin and many days of feeling like I messed up more than succeeded, but overall I am loving my little blessings and learning so much in the process. Anyway, the point is - Eliana is just the calm to my wild. 

She's (so far) the polar opposite of Trice.We all know I love Trice so dearly, but two of him in one household would probably cause some sort of catastrophic event. She's totally mellow -- can roll with the intense (okay.. ear splitting) tantrums/meltdowns/world is ending because I stirred the yogurt with the wrong spoon sob fest .. just sits back, stares, and smiles. I sometimes feel bad because it seems like she's the "forgotten child" - she could rock tummy time for a good hour on the hour if you let her without ever asking via fussing for anyone to interact with her (Don't worry - I very much do interact with her, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't care if I didn't.) She can sleep through a marching band and just sleeps in general which is pretty much the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. It's taken me nearly 5 months to accept that she's not a snuggler .. won't rock, won't nurse to sleep (seriously.. that's like what babies do..), and wants nothing to do with anyone when she's tired. But when she fusses and I pick her up out of her bed, she buries her tiny head on my shoulder and strokes my face with her other hand. My heart shatters every single time. I want to stay there forever, but after a quick hug/smooch session.. she's so over me.

 She's just basically the happiest human being I've ever met. I can't help but smile at her all day long. But seriously .. would it be possible not to love her? I didn't think so either. I keep telling Nick I could handle 3 or 4 more babies just.like.her. Then he reminds me maybe we should stop while we're ahead.

"I stare in wonder at your tiny frame. 

Just to think that God knows you by name. 

He knows every hair on your beautiful head. 

He knows your thoughts before they are said."

Crinkle Monkey. An Edwards family favorite since 2012.

Blowing Bubbles. Our new favorite hobby.

That curl. Is anyone dreaming of the ringlets .. or just me?!

Drool. It's how we roll.

Eliana {Five} Months

Date: September 13, 2015

Weight: 13lbs 2oz

Length: ??

Clothing Size: 3-6 month mostly (Finally packed away the 0-3 month clothes.. sad!)

Sleeping Patterns: Taking two pretty consistent naps during the day (yay for some sort of routine). During her morning nap, I get some one-on-one time with Trice and try to get lunch ready. She takes her afternoon nap when Trice naps and usually sleeps for a couple hours, wakes up and eats, sleeps another 1/2 hour or so in my arms (which I love!) (I always write this as the month goes by so I don't forget anything .. by the end of the month naps were kind of iffy. An afternoon one always happened, but she decided morning naps are for babies .. and she's not one of those!) Since I keep this updated as the month goes by, her patterns sure change a lot. At this point, she is taking GREAT naps and sleeping wonderfully. We just had a couple rough weeks. I keep trying to make her be a snuggler and she is NOT. She wants to be put down in her bed and left alone. When I accept that, she sleeps so soundly.. when I fight it, well, she doesn't sleep.

Eating Patterns: Every 2 hours during the day! I feed on-demand so sometimes more often, sometimes less often.. she eats when she's hungry. :)

Likes: LOVES her little chewy ring, playing peek-a-boo, laughing at Trice, daddy's beard, sleeping on her tummy, pulling her binky out of her mouth and sticking it back in, swinging at the park, being
carried forward-facing in my baby carrier, grabbing Trice with both hands and giving him a big sloppy kiss.

Dislikes: Sleeping on her back, her binky, car seat and car rides

Milestones: No more swaddling for this girl - she's sleeping swaddle-free! She got her first shots (Trice laughed hysterically).  Other than that - more laughing, balancing while sitting up, gets up on hands and knees (no, Ellie..just no), can get basically anywhere doing the inchworm or rolling.

Exciting Events: Uncle Jake came to visit, First chiropractor appointment to help with some tummy troubles -- tummy massage is working wonders, went to her first Cyclone football game, started swinging in the baby swing at the park, first road trip with just mom & Trice to visit Nicole.

Trice's Thoughts: While he's still incredibly jealous of Ellie getting any of our attention, they really started interacting this past month and it is so much fun. He'll even play with her while I cook dinner or get ready in the morning. He brings her toys when she's on the floor, reads her books, and loves to hold her every morning (for about 1 minute). He still does crazy things like attack her with dinosaurs, nearly rip her limbs off, and attempt to somersault on her face (he bit her for the first time and pulled her hair this month) .. but I keep reminding myself that I survived Jake so Ellie should be okay. ;) He is starting to be adorably sweet to her and she likes to squeal at him and grab his hair and kiss all over him!

Some cute big brother quotes for the month --
 "Good morning, Eliana! Did you know today is the day you are going back in mommy's tummy?"

"It's okay, Ellie. You don't ever have to be lonely. God is always with you."

Any time she cries in the car -- "Oh, it's okay. We're almost home sissy-boo!"

"Look at me, Ellie. I'm your favorite big brother!"

Dear {Three}-Year-Old Trice...

Dear 3-year-old Trice,

Wow. You are the most incredible tiny human being I have ever met. Your imagination is out-of-this world. You are intelligent, have the best sense of humor, and are incredibly kind (when you want to be, of course). You do everything so BIG - so loud - so full of life. There is literally never a dull moment with you. Every single day you bring me to tears from laughing so hard. Some days you bring me to tears because you are SO spirited, and I wonder how I'll ever survive. The doctor says there isn't a return policy on three-year-olds, though, so I guess we're going to have to stick it out together. I love spending my days with you - teaching you, loving you, praying with and for you, playing and watching you play.

Your love for Jesus reminds me to have child-like faith. You are so eager to learn more about Jesus and how great his love is for you. You are always asking when you can go to Heaven and who will be there and what the place Jesus is preparing for you will look like. You know that you are a gift from God, and I pray that you will never forget how much He truly loves you. I want you to grow knowing that no matter what life throws at you, Jesus is in control and will lead you through the storms. Sometimes I just don't have the answers to your really big questions. I do the best I can, and I pray for wisdom to speak the truth.

Your curiosity - definitely more than even curious George (whom you think is the coolest monkey ever .. but who doesn't?!) The world amazes you. Every piece of nature is a masterpiece to you. I have never appreciated God's creation as much as I do now that I've seen it through your eyes. I may not ever burn any calories on a walk with you anymore, but I gain so much - a love for rocks, blades of grass, and birds flying in the sky.

It's not always sunshine. We have our days. We have our "fights." You test your limits and push my buttons. You are too smart for your own good sometimes. Your ability to remember every little detail about everything often causes frustrations because I just don't remember. You wake up from nap fighting mad. You pretty much never sleep. I lose my patience sometimes, and we exchange a lot of apologies. At the end of the day, there's nothing better than resting my head next to yours knowing that you are fully aware of how truly loved you are and that tomorrow is a brand new day with you.

My heart aches for the day that we are done fighting fires, feeding dinosaurs, building blanket forts, stirring up some oatmeal bites or whipping up smoothies, or marching around with instruments singing the Iowa State Fight song. I already think about the toys that have been forgotten and games you no longer have an interest in. Your likes are changing, and I enjoy each phase just as much as the last .. but let me tell you, buddy, I sure miss each phase, too. This year is going to be bittersweet for me, so hang with me, bud. It's our last year together before you head off to preschool (unless I can change daddy's mind and he lets me homeschool you!) We have only ever spent two months apart, and other than that we've basically been inseparable. I think I'm going to be a bit lost without you, and I know you might miss me a tiny little bit, too. I hope this year is filled with so many memories that I can reflect on as I cry watching you walk into your classroom next year.

You've taught me so very many things -- most importantly to live in this moment and to cherish it because they go by so very, very quickly. You inspire me to be a better mommy, wife, and person.

Please be 3 forever. Please be awesome forever. Please, just please, be you .. forever.

Just like I tell you as I draw a cross on your forehead every night before bed, "You're a blessing from God, and you're verrrrry special to me." I love you to Heaven and back, Trice!

Love,
Mommy

Eliana: {4} Months

Date: August 13, 2015

Weight: 12lbs 2oz

Length:

Clothing Size: Some 0-3 still fit but mostly in the 3 month stuff or 3-6 month stuff

Sleeping Patterns: Beginning of month -- Well, naps have become a little interesting. Trice refuses to let the poor baby sleep so she ends up getting over tired and fighting sleep. It's quite the cycle. I need a live-in nanny to pay attention to him long enough for me to help her fall asleep and then a mute button to help her stay asleep. Or I just need to give in and let the poor kid watch TV... ugh. If we get her to bed early enough, she goes right to sleep and sleeps great. If we miss the window of opportunity we endure 4 hours of non-stop screaming. End of month -- Umm. who is this baby and where did she come from? I feed her, change her diaper, swaddle her, kiss her and tell her "goodnight" and she lays there staring at her singing monkey and goes to sleep. This has made naptime and bedtime incredible. She goes down about 5:00 (yep, that early) and wakes up to eat once more before going down for the night. Sometimes she wakes up once in the night to eat and irght back to sleep. Other times she sleeps all night. The other morning she ate at 6 and went back to sleep until 10.

Eating Patterns: Eats every 2 hours pretty religiously, won't take a bottle (stinker!)

Likes: Being on her tummy, Taggie Blanket, Mirrors, Trice talking to her, Crinkly Lion Toy, Daddy coming home from work, Binky, Mommy singing lullabies (she stops whatever she's doing and stares at me and smiles GREAT big!), Monkey that lights up and plays music in her bed, facial hair

Dislikes: Her arms being completely swaddled, being kept up too late (like past 4:30pm), SNUGGLING (ugh.. I am finally just going to face reality - she doesn't like to snuggle. It's really so sad. She just wants to be put down to do her own thing and go to sleep.. who does that?!)

Milestones: Rollin', Rollin', Rollin! She's unstoppable. More Laughing. Starting to balance sitting up (What is this?!). Started wearing cloth diapers full-time (I feel like we are finally out of "survival mode" most days.. so it was time!), Really reaching out and grabbing lots anything and everything, holds toys in both hands, First pigtails!

But seriously... bah!

Exciting Events: Big brother's 3rd Birthday party, Family came to visit, First girl's day shopping trip with mommy!

Trice's Thoughts: He'd mostly be okay if she only lived with us 40% of the time. Some quotes from this past month:
"Mom, let's just get rid of her car seat." "Why?" "We can just leave her at home forever and she can cry, cry, cry."
"I actually don't really like her. I don't want her to be here anymore. Let's just sell her to another kid."
...as she just smiles lovingly back at him..

Eliana is just a genuinely happy little girl! We love her so very, very much. She is chill and fits perfectly into our family (unless you ask Trice!)

My {Why}

I'll admit that there are days I forget to be grateful .. well, a lot of days. I am human after all. This ungrateful attitude has been eating at me lately. This stay-at-home mom gig has been wearing me out,and I feel like I'm drowning more days than I'm swimming. I haven't quite mastered the art of this two kiddo thing just yet. My desire for perfection and the guilt of feeling like I can't fully meet the needs of two tiny humans has been stealing my joy. Sometimes the love I have in my heart is so overwhelming that I beat myself up for not fulfilling my vision of motherhood.

I knew this was happening when I started grumping at friends on Facebook. Those that were bragging about clean houses. Those that were posting pictures of their vacation to the ocean or a girls' day out. Those pictures of toddlers with new siblings and statuses about how in love they were. But then when I started complaining about a friend who had just had a baby and was sending her toddler son to daycare while she stayed home with the baby on maternity leave, I knew something had to give. I was being so judgmental and that's something I just really don't like being. Of course taking care of her new baby seemed like a breeze -- she didn't have a toddler demanding her attention, waking up the baby, screaming, biting.. you know.. Of course the toddler loved the baby, he was never around her. I was totally jealous that she had the opportunity to snuggle her sweet new baby every second of every day while I was just praying for a minute of uninterrupted nursing.

But that mom that I was grumping at? For the last two years while I was snuggling in bed with my sweet boy, she was dropping hers off at daycare. While I was attending library story time and mom's groups, she was managing meetings and appointments. She gets up every day and goes to work. She has 9 weeks left at home with this sweet babe and she can hardly stomach the end being that near. Her heart breaks every morning when she leaves her heart in the hands of another person. She cries when she misses an exciting milestone. She gets a lump her in her throat every time she asks about my day and I tell her about our walks and adventures. And here I am .. being ungrateful.

I'll admit that from time to time I envy my husband for getting to go to work. I mean he spends all day talking to humans his size. I can't even sputter out a real English word when I attempt to make conversation with the checker at Hy-Vee, and if I do I end up saying something embarrassing like how my child pooped 6 times that day (I wish I was making this up). He spends his lunch break disc golfing, enjoying the outdoors, chatting sports, doing whatever he wants .. EATING. I spend my lunch (break?) nursing a baby while trying not to burn myself cooking something that ends up burning because my toddler poops and needs help and once I finally get him to the table and think I can sit down the baby throws up and as I'm cleaning that up the toddler's milk glass spills flooding the entire kitchen (when I swore there was not even that much milk in there) and if I do get a chance to sit down again -- my food is definitely cold. Cold burnt soggy food. Yum.

Often I long for 5 minutes of complete solitude. No one touching me. No one talking to me. 5 minutes to go to the bathroom by myself. To shower without hearing phantom baby cries. Most nights and days run straight into each other. There's no beginning and ending. No moment of putting my feet up to relax. I keep talking about this bike ride I'm going to go on by myself after the kids go to bed. But by the time they are in bed, the only thing I want to see is the back of my eyelids. Sometimes I stay up really late just staring. I'm completely unproductive even though I know I SHOULD be doing something.. anything.. mostly sleeping.. I just stare knowing that all too soon it starts all over again.

There is just no reason to be ungrateful. Not a single reason. I am incredibly blessed that I wake up to their sweet faces. I love on them all day long. I get to teach them everything they know. I get to wipe every tear and kiss every boo boo. I clap for every first. I savor every last. Somewhere during our time, they might learn their ABCs or maybe even how to ride a bike. But most importantly, I'm teaching them what God's love is all about just by loving them as Jesus would. Some days I fall short.. more than I'd like to admit. And some days? Well some days I'm really, really good at it .. even if I don't give myself enough credit because I'll never reach that vision in my head.

All you mamas out there who get up every morning and go to work leaving your little ones with someone else you trust wishing desperately you could have stayed home.. I'm sorry for all my ungrateful days. I know you have bad days at work and I guess that means I can have bad days at home, too, but truly -- I think of you when I do. I think of how maybe your heart is breaking a little or maybe how you have no choice -- you're the only one bringing in an income or money is just tight. Or maybe you WANT to work and have a career - and that's awesome, too. I think you are amazing and I admire you and I pray for you.. I just don't have conversations with you because your vocabulary includes more words than "poop."

Sometimes it just takes a moment. Or a few tiny moments to bring me back. To remind me WHY I'm doing this. WHY I'm here. WHY this is God's plan for me. It's those moments that I freeze in my mind and in my heart. I pull them out on a rainy .. er .. challenging day.

This is my WHY. This is why I left my dream career for my bigger dream of being a mommy. This is why I emptied my closet yesterday and put 90% of my clothes in the "for sale" box to fun my new yoga pant collection. This is why we don't go on big vacations right now .. or have cable. This is my dream come true.

So today? Today I stared at them. I thought, "Wow. I did nothing to deserve them yet they are everything I always dreamt of and more. These two are truly the greatest blessings I could have ever prayed for. God is so very good."

Time for bed (after a few pictures of those blessings I speak of..)

Naps on mommy because laundry and dishes can wait.. 

If I want to see a bit of Heaven, all I have to do is open my eyes! 

Stopping every 5 steps (pedals?) to check on his sister and give her a kiss. When you take time to slow down, magical things do happen. 

My little engineer figuring out how trikes work..

Everything is magical in the eyes of tiny baby!

Eliana: {Three} Months

Weight: 11lbs 9oz

Length: 23 inches

Clothing: 0-3 Month

Likes: Mirrors, Being swaddles, White Noise, Big Brother, Zerberts, Lullabies (Especially "You are My Sunshine")

Dislikes:  8-10pm, Car Seat, Dirty Diapers

Sleeping Pattern: Takes 2 pretty solid naps during the day and another cat nap or two, sleeps from around 8 or 9pm to 5am (usually) or else only up once in the night

Feeding Patterns: Every 2 hours. Will not take a bottle.

Exciting Events: Met LOTS of family and baby friends while we spent time back home!

Milestones: Rolls from tummy to back and pretty close to rolling from back to tummy, Sleeps through the night, starting to laugh, discovered toes!

Trice's Thoughts:

{Eliana Mae}

I've had several people ask why we chose the name "Eliana" so here it goes...

When we were pregnant with Trice, one of the girl names I really liked was "Ellie." Nick crossed it out on my list and wrote "NO!" next to it. Shot down.

That was okay, because Ellie Edwards doesn't really flow well.

I also had another name picked out -- Elisabeth (after my friend Lauren Elisabeth) and I wanted to call her Ellie for short. We knew for sure the middle name would be Mae after my grandma Jaris and his grandma Veta. (I found out I was expecting baby #2 a couple days after my grandma's funeral).

Fast forward to last May. My co-teacher's son had a baby and named her Eliana. When she called me with the news, I instantly fell in love with the name. Nick said he hated it. Shot down again.

When I found out I was pregnant again, we started talking baby names like day 2 because that's just what I do when I find out I'm pregnant. I can't think about anything but baby once I read the word "Pregnant." We had two we were choosing between -- one of them was Ella (I can tell you that because obviously if we had another girl we wouldn't name her Ella now.) 

We could NOT decide which of the two names we were going to choose. Neither were super unique, but I was okay with that. Ella seemed really popular, though, but again that didn't really bother me.

About a week before baby arrived, I had a near panic attack over our girl name. We know for sure what we'll name another boy - like there won't even be a discussion ever about it - but I was certain this baby was a girl, and I wanted a name ready to go. I kept telling Nick my body wouldn't go into labor until we knew. 

So one night while lying in bed, I found a list of baby names on Pinterest. I read through the list and halfway down was "Eliana." I read it in the same tone I'd read all the others, but Nick stopped me and said, "I really like that one!" I could have (okay, I did) smacked him! Seriously?! Anyway, I jumped for joy (okay, I said, "Yay!") I told him how we could call her Ellie (which I loved and sort of sounds like Ella which he loved). My grandma's name is Elaine so it seemed similar to that, too. Win win. We said "Eliana Mae" 1,000 times and then went to sleep, I think. 

When Eliana came out, I looked at her and called her both the names.. at this point Ella was out. We just knew Eliana was her name. It means "God has answered" and Eliana's pregnancy and delivery was absolutely an answered prayer. Not only that, but her birth helped me find a strength in myself that I never knew I had -- all because of Him. 

So.. Eliana Mae it is. Or Ellie. But I prefer you don't call her Ellie Mae. We aren't hillbillies here. 

**We've received many not so nice comments on both of our children's names lately.We didn't name them like "butt crack" or "fart face" (sorry, I spend all day with a 3-year-old who did in fact tell me today that Eliana's name is "Eliana FART Edwards" .. isn't he sweet?!) Anyway, one person said, "Where do you even come up with these names?" Another person said, "I feel so bad for Trice. Some day he will hate his name because he doesn't like the Cyclones." (For the record, "Jack Trice Stadium" is a place but happens to be named after a man name "Jack Trice" .. if you needed clarification  .. and Jack Trice was a pretty noble man. I hope my son grows up to be as brave as him. Plus, I picked Trice because I thought it was adorable. We get a lot of comments about how everyone thought her name was "Elaina" and how that would have been so pretty. You're right. It is. It's also not her name, and her name is pretty, too. I'm probably a little sensitive and need to just get over it, but if you don't like my child's name then guess what? You don't have to name your child that. Problem solved. We probably don't like your name either.. just kidding.**

And then there's this song.. and after hearing it, why WOULDN'T you name your daughter Eliana?!

Eliana - Watermark

Now I'm holding out hope that we get to use our other boy name!! 

Eliana Mae and Our {Journey} to a VBAC

**Be prepared for the longest birth story in the history of time .. I MAY be a little excessive in my wording. I just really love birth.**

***Before telling my story, I want to say that I fully support every way a woman gives birth -- c-section, medicated, unmedicated, home birth, hospital birth, birth in the woods. I believe c-sections are vital in saving women and babies' lives. I also believe that so much about birth is out of our control. Sometimes things just do not go as planned. My other belief is that birth has been taken away from women a bit. Many women don't even know they can refuse any intervention in the hospital. They don't know that they have the right to say no to inductions, monitoring, medications, and c-sections/repeat c-sections. There are emergency situations, but most of the time that is not the case. There are incredible doctors out there, but there are also doctors who are just there to do their job and go home (like with any line of work). Doctors should serve as a lifeguard during birth - there to step in if necessary but otherwise just an onlooker letting the mother's body do it's job. I am NOT an expert on giving birth. I have no medical background. I am not qualified to teach anyone about anything, really. My hope is that this story will encourage those who had a c-section to talk to their doctor and research VBACs to see if it is the right choice for them. I also hope it will empower all pregnant women to stand up for themselves and their birth experience. Most importantly, I just pray that all women are proud of their birth story whether it went how they had dreamt it would go or if it was crazy and completely out of their control. Giving birth is no easy feat -- it is real, it is hard, and YOU did it!***

It is said that most first time moms spend more time researching strollers than researching birth. This saddens me greatly because I was there. I had no idea. 

This is a story of determination, faith, and healing emotional wounds. This is Eliana's birth story.

My VBAC journey began back in September of 2012 at my 6 week post op appointment. 

Still devastated about how things had gone with Trice's delivery, my doctor said, "You know - you're the perfect candidate for a VBAC. Just something to keep in mind for down the road."

What? First of all, a second baby was nowhere on my mind, but it was an exciting thought.

From that moment on, there was never  another option. After Trice's birth, I was miserable. I felt robbed. I felt like it was an out-of-body experience. It was nothing I had imagined birth to be. For weeks after the recovery was awful. I couldn't stand up straight, couldn't get in bed by myself, couldn't get dressed by myself. Showering was painful. I was terrified of my incision becoming infected. I couldn't even look at it so Nick had to check it nightly. He was my hero through it all. I dealt with all of this .. and oh hey - how about take care of a newborn baby while you're at it?! Add in several months of post-partum depression, sleep deprivation, and being clueless about a newborn in general -- and you'll see why my plan of having children very close together went out the window.
**(I recently realized that I've painted a very scary picture of c-sections. I want to clarify -- my c-section was following a day and half of labor and 3 hours of pushing. Had I not been through all of that prior to the operation, the recovery would have been much easier. I also had not even discussed c-sections with my doctor. I just assumed that wouldn't happen. I HIGHLY advise you DO discuss a c-section with your doctor. They can be very family-centered and peaceful when there is a plan in place. Had I done this, I would not have felt many of these feelings. Also, some of my friends say they had perfect recoveries from their c-sections so maybe I'm just a wimp..but we can talk more on that later..back to the birth story)

I spent 2 years researching VBACs. I read every fact and stat on VBACs I could find. I read both sides of the story. I read about uterine ruptures, and I read hundreds of positive VBAC stories. If you want to know something about VBACs, I'm pretty confident I could give you accurate, research-based information. I can spit out the facts and stats as quickly as I can tell you my name. (No, I'm not an expert, but I'm just saying .. I spent a lot of time on this!)

Our first step? Meet with our doctor. We chose to have the same doctor I had with Trice. While that might seem silly considering we weren't pleased with how things went, we had built a very trusting relationship with him and our nurses and I couldn't imagine leaving unless we felt a reason to. It was evident from the first visit that they wanted this to go the way we wanted just as much as we did. My doctor addressed all the risks and benefits. He answered all of our questions just the way we hoped he would.

We decided to attend Bradley classes per the recommendation of a couple friends. I actually started talking to two friends long before I was pregnant about the classes and decided they fit what we were looking for. I learned quickly in my research that every intervention would put me one step closer to a repeat c-section, so I decided I needed to learn how to minimize those interventions. The Bradly method would help us do just that (and the best part is it would help Nick know how to be an active participant in our child's birth.) The closest classes to here are an hour and forty-five minutes away. We decided we really couldn't commit to driving that far for 12 Mondays in a row during the winter with a little one at home. Luckily the instructor we found offered a condensed weekend course. I felt like I knew enough about childbirth in general and had done a lot of research so that would fit our situation .. it didn't disappoint! The weekend was amazing (not only the Bradley class, but we got a night away in a hotel and dinner with adult conversation).  More than anything it gave Nick an understanding into the things I am so passionate about and gave us both confidence! Nick wasn't aware of most of the information we learned and had no idea all that he could do to help me during labor. It helped me see all the red flags from Trice's birth and learn how to avoid going down the same path. We left feeling prepared, empowered, and genuinely excited for labor.

Our next step? Prepare my body. Every day of my pregnancy, I did squats. I did pelvic rocks until I could pelvic rock no more. Nick and I performed the relaxation exercises (not as often as we should have). Sometimes I was tired of squatting - so I squatted some more. I did kegels.. and some more kegels.. and some more. When I stopped doing kegels, I'd get a text from Nick reminding me to do more kegels and after throwing my phone I'd do more. I visited the chiropractor regularly and once a week in my third trimester. She became a friend and encouraged me through everything. I ate a high protein diet and drank plenty of water. I ate two eggs every single day (I do love eggs.. but really). I read positive VBAC story after positive VBAC story. I prayed. I prayed some more. I asked others to pray, too. I refused to listen to the voices telling me I wouldn't make it - and trust me, there were plenty. I had a friend say, "I'm going to laugh when you end up in the exact same situation as you were in with Trice. Don't you know a baby is never going to fit through your tiny pelvis?" Some friend, huh? I had family who didn't support my decision either. I had to learn to let it roll right off my shoulders. I surrounded myself with those who believed in me - a few of those people were SO important in this journey that I am forever grateful for their encouragement, advice, prayers, and shoulders to cry on. I learned to believe in myself more than I ever had before. If I was going to do this, I had to be all in.

At 35 weeks, doubt entered my mind for the first time. Was this really the best decision? Was I being selfish? Was it safe? Was I putting myself and baby at too much risk? Wouldn't I just fail like so many thought? I asked for prayers from my small group.

I walked into my 35 week appointment hoping for an answer  and that's exactly what I got. My nurse (who is a very good friend) said, "You don't HAVE to do this. It is your choice. If it's making you anxious, there is another option." When she walked out, my heart sunk. Not what I wanted to be told.

Then my doctor walked in - "I hear you're having some doubts. What's going on? What's giving you anxiety?" I laid it all out there. I asked every question I hadn't yet asked. I told him every fear. And then he took them all away .. every single one of them. He gave the facts (I knew the facts), but he was so confident in me and so confident in his medical team that suddenly ever doubt that had crept in over the past few weeks disappeared. We discussed the "what-ifs" because I just had to know. We talked about my wishes if I were to go to the OR. Lastly he said, "It is completely your choice. It's your choice now. It's your choice 5 minutes into labor. It's your choice at any point. This is your birth. I know you've had your heart set on this for 2.5 years, and I'd hate to see you change your mind now. It's up to you, but I know you can do it." Now my head and heart were exactly where they needed to be. From that visit on, I was determined that this VBAC was going to happen. 

...and then.. 

A few days before labor began I had a pedicure, celebrated my Birthday, bought a mattress for Trice's new twin bed.. and the night before was Trice's first night sleeping in his new bed (it's so crazy to think back on those days now.. our last days as a family for 3). At this point I had only experienced Braxton Hicks contractions. 

Sunday, April 12th

1:00am - Woke up with contractions that were definitely different than Braxton Hicks. Got up and went to the bathroom. Tried to rest. Started timing contractions -- 4 min apart. 

4:00am -Went to the bathroom. Saw a little face peek through the door. Trice crawled in bed with me and insisted on sleeping on my tummy while I was having contractions (ouch!)

4:30am - Snuck out of bed and grabbed stuff to take a shower to see if contractions stopped.

5:00am - Texted my dad to warn him this might be the real deal and he might have to come over.

From 5:30-6ish I tidied up the house, ate breakfast, bounced on the exercise ball, and rested.

Around 7:00am, the contractions completely stopped. 

Nick and Trice woke up at some point. I filled Nick in and he was all about getting those contractions going again. We got some delicious Spudnut donuts and packed up some stuff to go down to the green space and walk/play ball/fly kites with Trice. We did a lot of walking hoping it would get some contractions going again.

The day went on as usual. I had a few sporadic contractions. At nap time, Nick and I were nesting like crazy (in hindsight - we should have been resting). We were dusting tops of door frames, scrubbing light switches - you name it, we did it! (Looking at my house now you would never know that we cleaned and scrubbed everything that day). 

At some point I emailed my chiropractor to see if I could come in Monday morning early just to make sure everything was in alignment and ready to go! 

5:30pm - Contractions started up again. I wasn't hungry, but I went ahead and ate supper knowing I would need energy if tonight was the night. We played with Trice, but the contractions started to get uncomfortable, and I was ready for him to be in bed. 

7:00pm - Started Trice's bedtime routine. I laid with him for awhile trying to get him to sleep, and the contractions got stronger and stronger. I knew I needed to leave the room and start focusing on what was going on. 

7:30pm - Started texting a friend asking if she thought I should go to the hospital or not - she suggested we go. I still wasn't sure. We knew we wanted to labor at home for awhile. I started packing up the last minute things we needed and got myself all dolled up (because you should always be dolled up to give birth?) I put on my clothes I planned to wear to the hospital (complete with bright pink sports bra I had picked for the occasion!) I laid down to rest and time contractions. They were coming about 4 minutes apart. 

9:30pm - Trice FINALLY fell asleep. We called the hospital, and they wanted us to come in. Contractions were now only two minutes apart. I was getting a little nervous about laboring at home just because I was afraid I wouldn't notice if something was wrong. I ate some fuel food and waited for my dad to arrive. We switched cars around so he could park in the garage because it was storming, Nick loaded the car, and we were on our way!

On the way to the hospital, I had several contractions. I had so many different emotions -- anxiousness, excitement, nervousness.. I cranked my Christian radio station and prayed! Nick said a prayer for us as well. We also talked to baby! Really it was a special drive to the hospital knowing we'd be coming home with a baby!

10:15pm - Arrived at hospital. They took me straight to the same room I had Trice in. I wasn't sure if this was beautiful or bad luck. There are only 3 rooms to choose from, though, so the odds were high that I'd get that room again. I did all the normal things you do when you get to the hospital. The physician's assistant came in and checked me. I was at a 3 1/2. 90% effaced. -2 station.Yep, we went too early. Bummer! She suggested walking for an hour and then she'd check me again.

We went and walked the halls for an hour. It was de ja vu. Except this time, it really did feel different. I was able to walk through contractions at this point. We timed them -  every 2 minutes lasting about a minute. With every contraction, I told myself, "Open up!" just as I had been taught. I had no idea if it was working, but it couldn't hurt, right? Nick kept me calm and positive.

11:45(ish) PM: Returned to room. PA came back and checked me again. 5! Woohoo! That meant I was making progress, and she decided I should stay. They called the doctor, got everything ready to go, and encouraged me to keep moving. We got all the necessary questions/paperwork out of the way. At this point I got frustrated with a couple nurses who clearly did not believe I was going to make it without pain medication.. just more motivation for me!I also had one nurse who was trying to scare me about the VBAC - I'm so glad I knew my facts and had the confidence to enlighten her. ;)

At this time, I decided to take a nap. I just knew that I would need energy to make it through labor, and if I didn't rest now -- I never would. Nick took a nap, too. (When I was in labor with Trice we NEVER rested. We were too excited, too anxious, and had no idea it would be such an event). After resting for awhile, we went a walking again. They also put my IV in. I tested positive for group B strep (after doing some things to try to not test positive) and we decided that we would go ahead and get the antibiotic. However, I requested it not be running continuously but rather wait until I was closer to delivering. 

Monday, April 13th

1:45am -Doctor showed up. He said I could be checked or not. Nick and I had discussed this prior and decided we would allow cervical checks. I hadn't had him do any up to this point. He checked me - 3.5. I told him I didn't like him very much, and he went off to get some sleep. I rested some more but also bounced on the exercise ball and went for another walk. Contractions were still 2 minutes apart.. At this point I started having some back labor. With every contraction, Nick applied counter pressure to my tailbone. It felt amazing. I continued using positive self-talk imagining my cervix opening and also telling myself that I was going to do this and everything was going to be okay! 

5:25am -Doctor checked me again. 4. Really? This is one reason NOT to allow cervical checks. I didn't get discouraged, though. I was progressing. I just knew we had come too early. I was very tired at this point from being up all night, and the contractions were getting stronger. 

7:00am - Doctor returned. Finally at a 5. Back labor started getting worse. I got down and did a bunch of pelvic rocks. That helped tremendously. I also laid on my side on the bed with the peanut ball. I kept breathing through each contraction. Nick continued applying counter pressure which worked wonders. I knew I couldn't be in bed too much, but I started napping between contractions (which were like 2 minutes apart.. but I enjoyed wonderful quick naps!) We turned on my Christian Pandora station because that's what I had decided was the most relaxing for me. It really did help me nap, too!

8:00am - My nurse/friend from the clinic got to work and came to visit (hoping to see a baby). She gave a few words of encouragement and said she'd be back in a bit to check on us. I was so relieved to see her. She said they'd be praying for me at the clinic. It was what I needed to give me a little strength!

The next several hours consisted of a lot of contractions - the exercise ball became my best friend. Going to the bathroom was a huge relief, and I'd hang out there while the next contraction passed. I pelvic rocked some more to help with the back pain. At this point, we realized my tailbone had been bruised and counter pressure was now causing pain so we switched it up. Nick applied ice packs to my lower back during contractions. Sitting felt the best, but I knew that wasn't the best position to be in so I didn't stay there for long. My friend came in a few more times to offer encouragement. I rested when I could and Nick reminded me to breathe... I was amazed at my ability to relax through contractions since I don't really know how to relax ever. We ate some lunch and he'd run over when I'd have a contraction and help me get through it.  The nurse kept telling the doctor they were "marathon" contractions -- they lasted a LONG time but didn't peak for too long. Unfortunately that meant I stopped getting much of a rest in between.

12:15pm - 7 cm! Progressing slowly but surely. At 7cm, I thought for sure I was going to die. Nick kept saying, "We know this is the hardest part. It will be over soon. This is when everyone wants the drugs!" He was right.. I sure wanted them .. but I had made it this far so I wasn't changing my plan now! The biggest relief at this point was him standing behind me squeezing my hips together. I was so impressed he remembered all these techniques and knew exactly what to do and when - I didn't even remember!

The doctor told me breaking my water was an option. I was so torn. I knew that once that happened, the clock would start ticking. I was progressing just fine (just wish I had stayed home until Monday morning) and I was tolerating pain fairly well (although my ability to tolerate it was starting to disappear). On the other hand, Nick and I were starting to worry that I'd get too tired and not have the energy to push if I didn't have baby soon. My friend came back in and made me feel better about all of it. Our AMAZING (I know I keep saying this .. but she was so great) nurse sat next to me and told me that I'd made it this far. I'd handled this much pain. She told me she could tell I had an inner strength that couldn't be stopped and I was going to make it through. She was the motherly figure I needed in that moment for sure. I still (for some ridiculous reason) decided to endure some more pain and "tough it out" I guess you could say (that's just to make me feel better.. in hindsight, I should have had them break my water). 

They broke my water at 8cm... 

Approximately 3:30pm (because really who was looking at the clock!) - two contractions later - I was screaming I needed to push! That doctor could not get there fast enough! I knew from Bradley classes that when you need to push - you push. Anyone can catch the baby! The nurse encouraged me to breathe through that contraction so the doctor could make it. They rushed around the room getting everything ready. I told Nick I wouldn't wait through another contraction. I was going to push! I think Nick was glad the doctor hurried. ;)

The doctor ran in the room and checked to make sure I was complete .. although I literally ran up the bed away from him screaming so I'm not sure how he really knew. It was go time. 

The nurse had been telling me for awhile that pushing would be such a release - it would feel incredible. Clearly we have different definitions of what feels "incredible." The difference though was that I KNEW when I was supposed to push. With Trice they had to tell me when a contraction was coming. That part really was incredible. My body KNEW. I had planned to push on all fours to open up my pelvis more and avoid tearing .. however, I just did what felt right (which was what our Bradley instructor said would happen) .. and it worked! 

Nick was INCREDIBLE through this part, too. He started pointing at my nose saying "In" and my mouth saying, "Out" to give me something to focus on. The doctor kept reminding me that I was denying baby of oxygen .. sorry, babe, but you were denying me of the ability to function.

The doctor said, "Baby has lots of dark hair just like Trice." (I assumed this meant there was a head out of me .. no, just a glimpse of hair .. thanks for the false hope that it was almost over!) 

But really .. it WAS almost over!

28 minutes later .. and only really 20 minutes of effective pushing because let's be honest - the first 8 I was just a basket case screaming, "GET THIS KID OUT OF ME. I WANT IT OUT." "I'M NOT DOING THIS. HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE? I'M DONE." Combine that with me crawling up to the top of the bed again. Real effective, Grace.

And then the words -- "Looks like you have a little girl." I KNEW IT! 

Baby was placed right on my chest and the doctor delayed the cord clamping. I just kept screaming, "My sweet baby girl. I did it! I did it! I did it! My sweet baby girl!" All those months of praying and preparing - I got my natural VBAC and a healthy baby girl. I was the happiest girl in the whole world.

Eliana latched on right away. The nurses let us be and then did everything they needed to do while she nursed on me. She got a 9/9 on both Apgar tests. Nick and I just laid there and cuddled her for quite awhile, and then I called my dad and said, "Get Trice to the hospital! We have a baby!" I, of course, refused to tell him if baby was a boy or girl.

Eventually the nurse took her to weigh her after she was done feeding .. but she never left our room! 

Now her story in picture form.. (unfortunately due to copyright, I can't post our professional pictures..)

Last weekly belly shot!

It's time! Wow, we totally look like dorks...

This was my sign that we were going to the hospital TOO early .. our Bradley instructor told the coaches that if they asked to take our picture before heading to the hospital and we agreed, it was too early. If we refused, they'd know it was time. But off we went anyway..

Ready to meet this baby!

Gotta love those contractions!

Our sweet baby girl has arrived!

At 3:59 P.M., Eliana entered the world! It was love at first sight!

One of the greatest moments of my life! I cry every time..

Looking slightly better than after Trice's birth..

August 2012 - The other greatest moment of my life!

First family photo! My whole world in one photograph..

So, I know many of you are thinking -- well, was all that preparation necessary? My answer is, "I have no idea." I will never know. I had a friend give birth naturally two days before I did (for the 4th time) and she did absolutely nothing to prepare, did no research, and didn't even think about it really.. so maybe I didn't need to do all of that, but I am so glad I did. I fell in love with the beauty of giving birth (in all ways, shapes, and forms). I now have the greatest passion for childbirth and pregnancy and supporting moms postpartum. I love knowing so much about how our bodies work during birth and how moms can best be supported in all situations. The recovery was night and day difference from Trice's birth. I felt like I could run a marathon out of the hospital .. I'd like to think the squats at least had something to do with that. I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.. every single second of it. I have no idea what the Lord has planned for our family, but if He blesses us with more children, I am so excited to be able to write another birth story -- no matter what that may be.

Special shout out to Chelsey, Emily (x 2), Rachel, Amy, my small group ladies, our doctor, and our Bradley instructor Ashley for all your advice, encouragement, prayers, knowledge, and for simply believing in me! And I doubt she'll ever read this - but a HUGE thank you to our phenomenal nurse, Jennifer. Your kindness and expertise during my labor and delivery were an answered prayer. You will all forever be a part of Eliana's birth story! :)

To all my expecting or soon-to-be expecting friends.. here is my advice for having the birth you desire in your heart (take it or leave it):

1. Learn. Learn as much as you possibly can. Research, research, research.
2. Find a provider who supports you in every aspect of your birth. If they don't, change. You are the consumer. This is YOUR birth and YOUR family.
3. Prepare. It doesn't hurt anything to do birth exercises .. while you'll never know if they did anything for you, they aren't causing you any harm.
4. Plan. Discuss with your spouse what is important. Discuss it with your provider. Be flexible when necessary.
5. Let go and let God. Let go of the fear. Let go of worrying about what others will think. Let go of what others are telling you. Just let God do his work and accept it - whatever that may be.
In the end, things may not go as you had envisioned, but if you have prayed, planned, and prepared, you will know you have done everything you can .. and in the end that healthy baby and healthy mama really IS all that matters!