**Be prepared for the longest birth story in the history of time .. I MAY be a little excessive in my wording. I just really love birth.**
***Before telling my story, I want to say that I fully support every way a woman gives birth -- c-section, medicated, unmedicated, home birth, hospital birth, birth in the woods. I believe c-sections are vital in saving women and babies' lives. I also believe that so much about birth is out of our control. Sometimes things just do not go as planned. My other belief is that birth has been taken away from women a bit. Many women don't even know they can refuse any intervention in the hospital. They don't know that they have the right to say no to inductions, monitoring, medications, and c-sections/repeat c-sections. There are emergency situations, but most of the time that is not the case. There are incredible doctors out there, but there are also doctors who are just there to do their job and go home (like with any line of work). Doctors should serve as a lifeguard during birth - there to step in if necessary but otherwise just an onlooker letting the mother's body do it's job. I am NOT an expert on giving birth. I have no medical background. I am not qualified to teach anyone about anything, really. My hope is that this story will encourage those who had a c-section to talk to their doctor and research VBACs to see if it is the right choice for them. I also hope it will empower all pregnant women to stand up for themselves and their birth experience. Most importantly, I just pray that all women are proud of their birth story whether it went how they had dreamt it would go or if it was crazy and completely out of their control. Giving birth is no easy feat -- it is real, it is hard, and YOU did it!***
It is said that most first time moms spend more time researching strollers than researching birth. This saddens me greatly because I was there. I had no idea.
This is a story of determination, faith, and healing emotional wounds. This is Eliana's birth story.
My VBAC journey began back in September of 2012 at my 6 week post op appointment.
Still devastated about how things had gone with Trice's delivery, my doctor said, "You know - you're the perfect candidate for a VBAC. Just something to keep in mind for down the road."
What? First of all, a second baby was nowhere on my mind, but it was an exciting thought.
From that moment on, there was never another option. After Trice's birth, I was miserable. I felt robbed. I felt like it was an out-of-body experience. It was nothing I had imagined birth to be. For weeks after the recovery was awful. I couldn't stand up straight, couldn't get in bed by myself, couldn't get dressed by myself. Showering was painful. I was terrified of my incision becoming infected. I couldn't even look at it so Nick had to check it nightly. He was my hero through it all. I dealt with all of this .. and oh hey - how about take care of a newborn baby while you're at it?! Add in several months of post-partum depression, sleep deprivation, and being clueless about a newborn in general -- and you'll see why my plan of having children very close together went out the window.
**(I recently realized that I've painted a very scary picture of c-sections. I want to clarify -- my c-section was following a day and half of labor and 3 hours of pushing. Had I not been through all of that prior to the operation, the recovery would have been much easier. I also had not even discussed c-sections with my doctor. I just assumed that wouldn't happen. I HIGHLY advise you DO discuss a c-section with your doctor. They can be very family-centered and peaceful when there is a plan in place. Had I done this, I would not have felt many of these feelings. Also, some of my friends say they had perfect recoveries from their c-sections so maybe I'm just a wimp..but we can talk more on that later..back to the birth story)
I spent 2 years researching VBACs. I read every fact and stat on VBACs I could find. I read both sides of the story. I read about uterine ruptures, and I read hundreds of positive VBAC stories. If you want to know something about VBACs, I'm pretty confident I could give you accurate, research-based information. I can spit out the facts and stats as quickly as I can tell you my name. (No, I'm not an expert, but I'm just saying .. I spent a lot of time on this!)
Our first step? Meet with our doctor. We chose to have the same doctor I had with Trice. While that might seem silly considering we weren't pleased with how things went, we had built a very trusting relationship with him and our nurses and I couldn't imagine leaving unless we felt a reason to. It was evident from the first visit that they wanted this to go the way we wanted just as much as we did. My doctor addressed all the risks and benefits. He answered all of our questions just the way we hoped he would.
We decided to attend Bradley classes per the recommendation of a couple friends. I actually started talking to two friends long before I was pregnant about the classes and decided they fit what we were looking for. I learned quickly in my research that every intervention would put me one step closer to a repeat c-section, so I decided I needed to learn how to minimize those interventions. The Bradly method would help us do just that (and the best part is it would help Nick know how to be an active participant in our child's birth.) The closest classes to here are an hour and forty-five minutes away. We decided we really couldn't commit to driving that far for 12 Mondays in a row during the winter with a little one at home. Luckily the instructor we found offered a condensed weekend course. I felt like I knew enough about childbirth in general and had done a lot of research so that would fit our situation .. it didn't disappoint! The weekend was amazing (not only the Bradley class, but we got a night away in a hotel and dinner with adult conversation). More than anything it gave Nick an understanding into the things I am so passionate about and gave us both confidence! Nick wasn't aware of most of the information we learned and had no idea all that he could do to help me during labor. It helped me see all the red flags from Trice's birth and learn how to avoid going down the same path. We left feeling prepared, empowered, and genuinely excited for labor.
Our next step? Prepare my body. Every day of my pregnancy, I did squats. I did pelvic rocks until I could pelvic rock no more. Nick and I performed the relaxation exercises (not as often as we should have). Sometimes I was tired of squatting - so I squatted some more. I did kegels.. and some more kegels.. and some more. When I stopped doing kegels, I'd get a text from Nick reminding me to do more kegels and after throwing my phone I'd do more. I visited the chiropractor regularly and once a week in my third trimester. She became a friend and encouraged me through everything. I ate a high protein diet and drank plenty of water. I ate two eggs every single day (I do love eggs.. but really). I read positive VBAC story after positive VBAC story. I prayed. I prayed some more. I asked others to pray, too. I refused to listen to the voices telling me I wouldn't make it - and trust me, there were plenty. I had a friend say, "I'm going to laugh when you end up in the exact same situation as you were in with Trice. Don't you know a baby is never going to fit through your tiny pelvis?" Some friend, huh? I had family who didn't support my decision either. I had to learn to let it roll right off my shoulders. I surrounded myself with those who believed in me - a few of those people were SO important in this journey that I am forever grateful for their encouragement, advice, prayers, and shoulders to cry on. I learned to believe in myself more than I ever had before. If I was going to do this, I had to be all in.
At 35 weeks, doubt entered my mind for the first time. Was this really the best decision? Was I being selfish? Was it safe? Was I putting myself and baby at too much risk? Wouldn't I just fail like so many thought? I asked for prayers from my small group.
I walked into my 35 week appointment hoping for an answer and that's exactly what I got. My nurse (who is a very good friend) said, "You don't HAVE to do this. It is your choice. If it's making you anxious, there is another option." When she walked out, my heart sunk. Not what I wanted to be told.
Then my doctor walked in - "I hear you're having some doubts. What's going on? What's giving you anxiety?" I laid it all out there. I asked every question I hadn't yet asked. I told him every fear. And then he took them all away .. every single one of them. He gave the facts (I knew the facts), but he was so confident in me and so confident in his medical team that suddenly ever doubt that had crept in over the past few weeks disappeared. We discussed the "what-ifs" because I just had to know. We talked about my wishes if I were to go to the OR. Lastly he said, "It is completely your choice. It's your choice now. It's your choice 5 minutes into labor. It's your choice at any point. This is your birth. I know you've had your heart set on this for 2.5 years, and I'd hate to see you change your mind now. It's up to you, but I know you can do it." Now my head and heart were exactly where they needed to be. From that visit on, I was determined that this VBAC was going to happen.
...and then..
A few days before labor began I had a pedicure, celebrated my Birthday, bought a mattress for Trice's new twin bed.. and the night before was Trice's first night sleeping in his new bed (it's so crazy to think back on those days now.. our last days as a family for 3). At this point I had only experienced Braxton Hicks contractions.
1:00am - Woke up with contractions that were definitely different than Braxton Hicks. Got up and went to the bathroom. Tried to rest. Started timing contractions -- 4 min apart.
4:00am -Went to the bathroom. Saw a little face peek through the door. Trice crawled in bed with me and insisted on sleeping on my tummy while I was having contractions (ouch!)
4:30am - Snuck out of bed and grabbed stuff to take a shower to see if contractions stopped.
5:00am - Texted my dad to warn him this might be the real deal and he might have to come over.
From 5:30-6ish I tidied up the house, ate breakfast, bounced on the exercise ball, and rested.
Around 7:00am, the contractions completely stopped.
Nick and Trice woke up at some point. I filled Nick in and he was all about getting those contractions going again. We got some delicious Spudnut donuts and packed up some stuff to go down to the green space and walk/play ball/fly kites with Trice. We did a lot of walking hoping it would get some contractions going again.
The day went on as usual. I had a few sporadic contractions. At nap time, Nick and I were nesting like crazy (in hindsight - we should have been resting). We were dusting tops of door frames, scrubbing light switches - you name it, we did it! (Looking at my house now you would never know that we cleaned and scrubbed everything that day).
At some point I emailed my chiropractor to see if I could come in Monday morning early just to make sure everything was in alignment and ready to go!
5:30pm - Contractions started up again. I wasn't hungry, but I went ahead and ate supper knowing I would need energy if tonight was the night. We played with Trice, but the contractions started to get uncomfortable, and I was ready for him to be in bed.
7:00pm - Started Trice's bedtime routine. I laid with him for awhile trying to get him to sleep, and the contractions got stronger and stronger. I knew I needed to leave the room and start focusing on what was going on.
7:30pm - Started texting a friend asking if she thought I should go to the hospital or not - she suggested we go. I still wasn't sure. We knew we wanted to labor at home for awhile. I started packing up the last minute things we needed and got myself all dolled up (because you should always be dolled up to give birth?) I put on my clothes I planned to wear to the hospital (complete with bright pink sports bra I had picked for the occasion!) I laid down to rest and time contractions. They were coming about 4 minutes apart.
9:30pm - Trice FINALLY fell asleep. We called the hospital, and they wanted us to come in. Contractions were now only two minutes apart. I was getting a little nervous about laboring at home just because I was afraid I wouldn't notice if something was wrong. I ate some fuel food and waited for my dad to arrive. We switched cars around so he could park in the garage because it was storming, Nick loaded the car, and we were on our way!
On the way to the hospital, I had several contractions. I had so many different emotions -- anxiousness, excitement, nervousness.. I cranked my Christian radio station and prayed! Nick said a prayer for us as well. We also talked to baby! Really it was a special drive to the hospital knowing we'd be coming home with a baby!
10:15pm - Arrived at hospital. They took me straight to the same room I had Trice in. I wasn't sure if this was beautiful or bad luck. There are only 3 rooms to choose from, though, so the odds were high that I'd get that room again. I did all the normal things you do when you get to the hospital. The physician's assistant came in and checked me. I was at a 3 1/2. 90% effaced. -2 station.Yep, we went too early. Bummer! She suggested walking for an hour and then she'd check me again.
We went and walked the halls for an hour. It was de ja vu. Except this time, it really did feel different. I was able to walk through contractions at this point. We timed them - every 2 minutes lasting about a minute. With every contraction, I told myself, "Open up!" just as I had been taught. I had no idea if it was working, but it couldn't hurt, right? Nick kept me calm and positive.
11:45(ish) PM: Returned to room. PA came back and checked me again. 5! Woohoo! That meant I was making progress, and she decided I should stay. They called the doctor, got everything ready to go, and encouraged me to keep moving. We got all the necessary questions/paperwork out of the way. At this point I got frustrated with a couple nurses who clearly did not believe I was going to make it without pain medication.. just more motivation for me!I also had one nurse who was trying to scare me about the VBAC - I'm so glad I knew my facts and had the confidence to enlighten her. ;)
At this time, I decided to take a nap. I just knew that I would need energy to make it through labor, and if I didn't rest now -- I never would. Nick took a nap, too. (When I was in labor with Trice we NEVER rested. We were too excited, too anxious, and had no idea it would be such an event). After resting for awhile, we went a walking again. They also put my IV in. I tested positive for group B strep (after doing some things to try to not test positive) and we decided that we would go ahead and get the antibiotic. However, I requested it not be running continuously but rather wait until I was closer to delivering.
1:45am -Doctor showed up. He said I could be checked or not. Nick and I had discussed this prior and decided we would allow cervical checks. I hadn't had him do any up to this point. He checked me - 3.5. I told him I didn't like him very much, and he went off to get some sleep. I rested some more but also bounced on the exercise ball and went for another walk. Contractions were still 2 minutes apart.. At this point I started having some back labor. With every contraction, Nick applied counter pressure to my tailbone. It felt amazing. I continued using positive self-talk imagining my cervix opening and also telling myself that I was going to do this and everything was going to be okay!
5:25am -Doctor checked me again. 4. Really? This is one reason NOT to allow cervical checks. I didn't get discouraged, though. I was progressing. I just knew we had come too early. I was very tired at this point from being up all night, and the contractions were getting stronger.
7:00am - Doctor returned. Finally at a 5. Back labor started getting worse. I got down and did a bunch of pelvic rocks. That helped tremendously. I also laid on my side on the bed with the peanut ball. I kept breathing through each contraction. Nick continued applying counter pressure which worked wonders. I knew I couldn't be in bed too much, but I started napping between contractions (which were like 2 minutes apart.. but I enjoyed wonderful quick naps!) We turned on my Christian Pandora station because that's what I had decided was the most relaxing for me. It really did help me nap, too!
8:00am - My nurse/friend from the clinic got to work and came to visit (hoping to see a baby). She gave a few words of encouragement and said she'd be back in a bit to check on us. I was so relieved to see her. She said they'd be praying for me at the clinic. It was what I needed to give me a little strength!
The next several hours consisted of a lot of contractions - the exercise ball became my best friend. Going to the bathroom was a huge relief, and I'd hang out there while the next contraction passed. I pelvic rocked some more to help with the back pain. At this point, we realized my tailbone had been bruised and counter pressure was now causing pain so we switched it up. Nick applied ice packs to my lower back during contractions. Sitting felt the best, but I knew that wasn't the best position to be in so I didn't stay there for long. My friend came in a few more times to offer encouragement. I rested when I could and Nick reminded me to breathe... I was amazed at my ability to relax through contractions since I don't really know how to relax ever. We ate some lunch and he'd run over when I'd have a contraction and help me get through it. The nurse kept telling the doctor they were "marathon" contractions -- they lasted a LONG time but didn't peak for too long. Unfortunately that meant I stopped getting much of a rest in between.
12:15pm - 7 cm! Progressing slowly but surely. At 7cm, I thought for sure I was going to die. Nick kept saying, "We know this is the hardest part. It will be over soon. This is when everyone wants the drugs!" He was right.. I sure wanted them .. but I had made it this far so I wasn't changing my plan now! The biggest relief at this point was him standing behind me squeezing my hips together. I was so impressed he remembered all these techniques and knew exactly what to do and when - I didn't even remember!
The doctor told me breaking my water was an option. I was so torn. I knew that once that happened, the clock would start ticking. I was progressing just fine (just wish I had stayed home until Monday morning) and I was tolerating pain fairly well (although my ability to tolerate it was starting to disappear). On the other hand, Nick and I were starting to worry that I'd get too tired and not have the energy to push if I didn't have baby soon. My friend came back in and made me feel better about all of it. Our AMAZING (I know I keep saying this .. but she was so great) nurse sat next to me and told me that I'd made it this far. I'd handled this much pain. She told me she could tell I had an inner strength that couldn't be stopped and I was going to make it through. She was the motherly figure I needed in that moment for sure. I still (for some ridiculous reason) decided to endure some more pain and "tough it out" I guess you could say (that's just to make me feel better.. in hindsight, I should have had them break my water).
They broke my water at 8cm...
Approximately 3:30pm (because really who was looking at the clock!) - two contractions later - I was screaming I needed to push! That doctor could not get there fast enough! I knew from Bradley classes that when you need to push - you push. Anyone can catch the baby! The nurse encouraged me to breathe through that contraction so the doctor could make it. They rushed around the room getting everything ready. I told Nick I wouldn't wait through another contraction. I was going to push! I think Nick was glad the doctor hurried. ;)
The doctor ran in the room and checked to make sure I was complete .. although I literally ran up the bed away from him screaming so I'm not sure how he really knew. It was go time.
The nurse had been telling me for awhile that pushing would be such a release - it would feel incredible. Clearly we have different definitions of what feels "incredible." The difference though was that I KNEW when I was supposed to push. With Trice they had to tell me when a contraction was coming. That part really was incredible. My body KNEW. I had planned to push on all fours to open up my pelvis more and avoid tearing .. however, I just did what felt right (which was what our Bradley instructor said would happen) .. and it worked!
Nick was INCREDIBLE through this part, too. He started pointing at my nose saying "In" and my mouth saying, "Out" to give me something to focus on. The doctor kept reminding me that I was denying baby of oxygen .. sorry, babe, but you were denying me of the ability to function.
The doctor said, "Baby has lots of dark hair just like Trice." (I assumed this meant there was a head out of me .. no, just a glimpse of hair .. thanks for the false hope that it was almost over!)
But really .. it WAS almost over!
28 minutes later .. and only really 20 minutes of effective pushing because let's be honest - the first 8 I was just a basket case screaming, "GET THIS KID OUT OF ME. I WANT IT OUT." "I'M NOT DOING THIS. HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE? I'M DONE." Combine that with me crawling up to the top of the bed again. Real effective, Grace.
And then the words -- "Looks like you have a little girl." I KNEW IT!
Baby was placed right on my chest and the doctor delayed the cord clamping. I just kept screaming, "My sweet baby girl. I did it! I did it! I did it! My sweet baby girl!" All those months of praying and preparing - I got my natural VBAC and a healthy baby girl. I was the happiest girl in the whole world.
Eliana latched on right away. The nurses let us be and then did everything they needed to do while she nursed on me. She got a 9/9 on both Apgar tests. Nick and I just laid there and cuddled her for quite awhile, and then I called my dad and said, "Get Trice to the hospital! We have a baby!" I, of course, refused to tell him if baby was a boy or girl.
Eventually the nurse took her to weigh her after she was done feeding .. but she never left our room!
Now her story in picture form.. (unfortunately due to copyright, I can't post our professional pictures..)
It's time! Wow, we totally look like dorks...
This was my sign that we were going to the hospital TOO early .. our Bradley instructor told the coaches that if they asked to take our picture before heading to the hospital and we agreed, it was too early. If we refused, they'd know it was time. But off we went anyway..
Ready to meet this baby!
Gotta love those contractions!
Our sweet baby girl has arrived!
At 3:59 P.M., Eliana entered the world! It was love at first sight!
One of the greatest moments of my life! I cry every time..
Looking slightly better than after Trice's birth..
August 2012 - The other greatest moment of my life!
First family photo! My whole world in one photograph..
So, I know many of you are thinking -- well, was all that preparation necessary? My answer is, "I have no idea." I will never know. I had a friend give birth naturally two days before I did (for the 4th time) and she did absolutely nothing to prepare, did no research, and didn't even think about it really.. so maybe I didn't need to do all of that, but I am so glad I did. I fell in love with the beauty of giving birth (in all ways, shapes, and forms). I now have the greatest passion for childbirth and pregnancy and supporting moms postpartum. I love knowing so much about how our bodies work during birth and how moms can best be supported in all situations. The recovery was night and day difference from Trice's birth. I felt like I could run a marathon out of the hospital .. I'd like to think the squats at least had something to do with that. I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.. every single second of it. I have no idea what the Lord has planned for our family, but if He blesses us with more children, I am so excited to be able to write another birth story -- no matter what that may be.
Special shout out to Chelsey, Emily (x 2), Rachel, Amy, my small group ladies, our doctor, and our Bradley instructor Ashley for all your advice, encouragement, prayers, knowledge, and for simply believing in me! And I doubt she'll ever read this - but a HUGE thank you to our phenomenal nurse, Jennifer. Your kindness and expertise during my labor and delivery were an answered prayer. You will all forever be a part of Eliana's birth story! :)
To all my expecting or soon-to-be expecting friends.. here is my advice for having the birth you desire in your heart (take it or leave it):
1. Learn. Learn as much as you possibly can. Research, research, research.
2. Find a provider who supports you in every aspect of your birth. If they don't, change. You are the consumer. This is YOUR birth and YOUR family.
3. Prepare. It doesn't hurt anything to do birth exercises .. while you'll never know if they did anything for you, they aren't causing you any harm.
4. Plan. Discuss with your spouse what is important. Discuss it with your provider. Be flexible when necessary.
5. Let go and let God. Let go of the fear. Let go of worrying about what others will think. Let go of what others are telling you. Just let God do his work and accept it - whatever that may be.
In the end, things may not go as you had envisioned, but if you have prayed, planned, and prepared, you will know you have done everything you can .. and in the end that healthy baby and healthy mama really IS all that matters!
