My Mama Heart Cried Today

"I don't think this park is for 4 1/2 year olds. I need harder things to climb. I will be 5 this summer, you know."

Those words cut deep into my mama heart. It was a beautiful February day, and I decided we would enjoy an hour or so at the park when I picked Trice up from preschool. I took them to the least muddy (but still plenty of fun puddles) park which is also the park that is best for kiddos Eliana's age. As he slung himself over the rocking horse, climbed to the top of the play set in 2 seconds, and made it halfway down the slide just by sitting down at the top, I couldn't help but think back..

March 29, 2013

Trice was just shy of 7 months old. It was a gorgeous day, much like the weather we've had recently, so we threw jackets on and headed to the best tiny human park in town. We documented every moment of the process (which kind of makes me sad because I couldn't tell you the first time Eliana went to a park - I'm pretty sure it was the day we brought her home from the hospital..) Papa went along, of course. 

..and it was magical..

and then there he was in 2014..

..and 2015...

I knew before we went to the park that day that those words might be coming. I'd noticed the last time we were there that he really HAD outgrown that park I loved so much. So many memories - the park we ALWAYS went to when his best friend Syd still lived here because it was within walking distance of their house. All the picnics. The time he climbed the tree and fell out. The million times I'd climbed through the tunnel with him. 

Part of me  just hoped I had more time. I often find myself wishing I had more time, but I'm careful not to let my wish for more time interfere with the time I do have. 

I'm the kind of person who reads all those sappy articles about how when your kids grow up you'll wish you had spent more time with them and less time cleaning, etc. and cries because I don't want my kids to grow up but not because I'm not cherishing the moment. I would say I genuinely cherish 99.9% of the moments - even the tough ones - because I feel it.  I KNOW I'm living the best days of my life. I KNOW it's going to fly by. I truly do enjoy the time I have with these sweet blessings God has entrusted to me. 

And the other day when he climbed out of the bathtub by himself, I wondered when the last time was that he needed me to lift him out. When we headed out for a walk and he hopped on his bike and took off down the trail I wondered when the last time was he rode within arms reach in the stroller. As he set the table and drank out of a breakable glass, I wondered when the last time was he used a sippy. And most recently he's been sleeping all night in his own bed. Pretty soon I'm sure I'll wonder, "When was the last time he came to find me in the middle of the night?"

Watching your kids grow up is the greatest blessing - it's the way it's supposed to happen - it's natural and apparently impossible to keep them little forever. I get it. I embrace it. I'm amazed by it. I'm grateful for it. 

But today.. my mama heart cried.